It’s not African, its simply not African. That’s how many people see it, when the issue of adoption pops up. But my narrative is kinda different and I will tell you why.
A flash back to my early years in marriage and I smile on so many issues that I faced, particularly on the issue of adoption. Luckily for me, my husband is African by history but his reasoning differs.
During courtship he always explained that even after we have had our own children we must adopt a child but I never argued with him because I loved him and I always told my myself that after we have our own children that dream would die.
Guess what? it never died. He adopted a sweet loving child and gave that child all the love. Today we call that child our first born and our kids see her as such. Although it took her a while to integrate, she eventually did.
Before long, people began to refer to her as our daughter and the initial ‘niece’ tag went away. Now she is studying medicine and doing pretty well. I ask myself, if we had not adopted her someone else probably would have done it.
I need to ask my reader’s why is it so difficult to show love to to someone in need? Moses liberating the Israelites from Egypt is one of the most told stories but not many remember he was adopted.
Technology as we know it today will probably never have been if the duo of Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were not adopted by people who wanted to do some good.
And if we look inwards, Nigeria’s politics would have been a lot different if Asiwaju Bola Tinubu was not adopted. The fact is, there is more to life than meets the eye.
I know many people have hurt our feelings and because of that we tend to be very careful with who we help and how we help but we shouldn’t stop doing good.
There are loads of children with potentials begging for opportunities. I’m sure that if we look at ourselves critically we will admit that someone had to take a chance on us.
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The popular quote of John Wesley readily comes to mind, “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in allthe places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.”
We all have different experiences in life and I want to believe that those experiences make us better. However it should not stop us from loving, caring and accepting the people around us for who they are rather it should help us understand them and help them.
When my daughter came into our life she was already a teen, to many parents who have teenage children, you know how difficult it is to have a teenager on your laps.
Having two younger kids of our own, made it a completely different game. We could have just forgotten the issue of adoption but it was a dream come through for husband but for me we only needed a nanny to just care for our children not a teenager.
Initially, things were not easy because every child has a self will and she had grown up wanting her way and sometimes having it. There were moments of home-sickness but we did not allow it get to us, we gave her our love and helped her know she was wanted and loved with us.
Gradually she was in charge of everything at home, she loved taking care of her siblings, helping with home work, house chores and dishing out responsibilities and instructions.
She gradually became the second mother of the home. But despite the synergy, many were of the opinion that anyone who adopts does not believe in God or have lost faith in God to have more kids, these people didn’t understand we didn’t need more children.
So when she came to live with us the first question was why do you need an extra child? It’s extra cost to train a child, however, my in-laws welcomed the idea because my husband always wanted it.
For my siblings, it was easy peasy. They were always buying and sending her gifts, coming from a large and humble background it was easy for me because my mother had adopted so many children unofficially that it was not a big deal growing up in a big family.
My mum allowed those who did not have accommodation in the church to stay with us until they were able to settle down so you can imagine how easy it was for my siblings to accept her and her birthday was always special.
This year she turns 21 and it will be special. I remember while she was with us, she had such a positive influence, she made our children to study hard and whenever she was home, we worried about nothing because she had grown to become a big sister.
The lesson I learnt is that we only know today and cannot tell tomorrow. Make someone happy today because it ends up making you happy.
Did I also tell you that because we accepted and gave her love, it was easy for her to accept and give us the love back. My view on adoption is that it might not be easy initially but with constant love, support and encouragement you would get the best out of any child.
Please if you have the opportunity to adopt please pray about it and take the bold step. Your just might be moulding the next Bill Gates or Steve Jobs.
