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‘Mother: the unrivalled deity’ by Lateef Adewole
The Insight by Lateef Adewole
This article is dedicated to my mother; Omótóyòsí Àpèké; “iya Lati”, as she is fondly called. Is there anything a child can actually do to compensate for the sacrifices made by his or her mother? I do not think so.
Motherhood is unique and distinct from all terrestrial activities one could conceive. In reality, only a true mother knows what motherhood means. And being a mother is beyond carrying a child in pregnancy to term and giving birth to it. It is a calling of a lifetime. There are all kinds of women who give birth to children but could not actually be referred to as mothers, in the true sense of it.
I once read a categorization of mothers. They include; “gossiping, bitter, absent, childish, wounded, emotionally dead, promiscuous, visionless, the diva, dream killer, low self-esteem, domineering, and nurturing mothers”. I know this can never be exhaustive. The list must have been drawn from the limited knowledge and experience of the person who wrote it. I wish I could explain each but they mean what their names imply.
One particular mother among the list is the “nurturing mother”. That is the one who makes all the sacrifices as will be highlighted in this article. That is the one we are celebrating. That is where my mother belongs. I would not want to start talking in this writing about my mother “personally” now as what I have to say is inexhaustible. Words will be inadequate to convey my feelings about her. Let me borrow a quote from Maya Angelou who wrote: “To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow”. I just want to say to my mother; Mum, I Love You!
An article about this topic has been one I had tried to write for months and years without getting to do it. Sincerely, to keep up with happenings in the country and having to write about them on weekly basis for years can be overwhelming. One event after another has kept me from fulfilling that desire to write this for so long. I decided to break the jinx this week.
I must have been more inspired as I read series of tributes that people paid to their mothers on Sunday 14th of March, considered as “Mother’s Day”. Apart from my own mother, I have numerous mothers all around me, beginning with my lovely wife, Queen Latifah. Others are my step mothers, aunts, sisters, friends, colleagues, neighbours, acquaintances, and all mothers around the world. I celebrate all of you. You are truly our heroines!
There was a video clip I once watched. It had a rooster (male chicken) and mother hen (female), with her (or their) chicks. There were small grains (feeds) put in a bowl. It was so tall such that the chicks’ mouths could not reach into the inside except the rooster and the mother hen who are taller. It was amazing to observe that, while the rooster simply continued to feed itself from the bowl of grains without a care in this world, the mother hen was collecting the grains from the bowl with its beak and dropping them on the floor for the little chicks to feed on, rather than take them to eat for itself. It was humbling to realise that even animals behave in such manner. As Yorubas will say: “iseniyan iseranko” (like humans, like animals).
In truth, that is exemplary of how a true mother behaves. Mothers would rather go hungry for their children to feed. Before the men will crucify me for this, I have not implied that fathers, like in the narration, do not care for their children. Afterall, they might have provided the food that everyone eats in the first place (lol). Just recently, a friend of mine turned a mother. She gave birth to her first child. While talking to her one day, the baby started crying. She claimed she has been sleeping for many nights since she gave birth as she always kept vigil watching and caring for her baby who usually refused to sleep at nights while everyone is asleep. I taunted her that she has started seeing what it means when “Mma Oby”, her mother, would be talking to her years back, but she felt she was being disturbed by her mum. It is now her turn. We laughed over it.
A child cannot completely know how much a mother sacrifices for him or her. That makes it easy to take her for granted. For about one decade, I had to live far away from my wife and family due to work locations, traversing the northern Nigeria. I only managed to come home once in a month. I never had the chance to experience “fully” what my wife went through those years, being pregnant, going through labour, giving birth and a substantial part of nursing and raising our children. I was often away, until my last baby.
She was conceived after I have “retired” from my paid job. I was around all through the thick and thin of the pregnancy period. It was then I fully realised and appreciate the heavy “burden” that a woman carries during pregnancy. It was not a joke. Nausea feelings leading to vomiting from morning sickness. Loss of appetite or abnormal craving for strange foods or other things. Nights of discomfort. Inability to sleep on your chest or back. The feeling like someone who has swallowed a rock. Different women have different experiences. This continued for a whole nine months. How many can one recollect?
Then comes, the “D-day”. The EDD (Expected Delivery Date) is looked forward to like the “day of judgement”. Nothing scares more than when a woman is about to go into labour. If it happens that the doctor says it will be a delivery through a Ceaceran Section (CS), many would feel like they were just “sentenced to death”, especially here in our clime, where people still mystify CS and see it like a “taboo”. Such ignorance and misconception have led to the death of many babies and or their mothers in labour from unnecessarily prolonged labour.
Where they survived, either by carrying out the CS at a later time or eventual normal delivery, such babies could have had internal injuries which may not be immediately known to the doctors or their mothers. That has led to many deformed or disabled children, and those with various degrees physical, mental or psychological problems. So, it could not have been a “tea party” going through that. The last time, I was with my wife all through. No child could ever comprehend the extent of such gargantuan risk to bring them to life.
After a successful delivery, the journey had just begun. Recovery from the labour and childbirth stress is a journey. Fortunate mothers get over them quickly. Many might nurse that for a longer time. Then the caring for the newly born. Breastfeeding! This is seen as the first fundamental duty of a mother to her child, which many of them do with all sense of responsibility and love, irrespective of their feelings about it. No substitute for a mother’s breast milk. I mean to the baby not the husband o! (pun intended).
Nurturing babies to toddlers to kids to teenagers to adulthood is a lifetime duty of many mothers. Everything a child learns at infancy and growing up is most often from their mothers. They mold and influence them a great deal. They imbue their children with faith, moral values, courage and build their characters. They teach them patience, perseverance, love and kindness. The lap of a mother is the first school of a child. This is Islamic view which resonates with many other faiths.
When I witnessed all of these first hand, I appreciated my mother the more. It is possible that we may appreciate the sacrifices of our mothers as grown ups when we can see and understand those sacrifices. How would we know and understand those they made while we knew little or nothing in our childhood? “Poo-pooing and wee-weeing” on them. Vomiting on their body. Carrying us and dancing even when there was no drumming. I learned my own lessons about all that while my mother nurtured my younger ones and from my wife’s experience. It’s a huge one. Kudos to all mothers in the world.
This significance of motherhood must have been responsible for the near “deity” status that good mothers are accorded. And this is irrespective of religion. Like in Islam, mothers are revered. Their positions are sacred to the extent that the Almighty Allah said that if He would have allowed any other person to be worshipped, He would have made children to worship their parents.
Also, the holy Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) said that the “paradise of a child is at the heels of their parents.” These are mothers and fathers. He was asked who a child should give greater priority in love and care to, between the father and the mother. He replied; “the mother”. He was asked who next, he still said “mother.” And the third time too, mother. Before he mentioned father on the fourth time. This underscores the importance attached to the mothers. Similar injunctions abound in other faiths.
For me, one day is never enough to celebrate my mother. I do so and will continue to do so every single day of my life! I implore others who are fortunate to still have their mothers alive to do same. For many, whose mothers have passed, may the Almighty God forgive their shortcomings and rest their souls in peace. You all should continue to celebrate them by exhibiting the good nurture and nature you imbibed from them. It’s an irreplaceable loss. May God give you all the fortitude to bear such loss. I hope I have not made some people cry once more as they remember their late mothers. This was not intended. However, we should let that serve as a reminder to all of us too that life is transient and ephemeral.
May the sacrifices of our mothers and all mothers in the world never be in vain. May they live long to reap and enjoy the fruits of their labour over their children. Let me end this piece with a quote from Oprah Winfrey who says and I quote:
“I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is.”
God bless my mother.
God bless all good mothers.
God Bless Nigeria.
Lateef Adewole is a political analyst and social commentator. He can be reached by email lateefadewole23@gmail.com or via WhatsApp +2348020989095 and @lateef_adewole on Twitter, Lateef Adewole on Facebook
