By Tomisin Akinmayowa-Bisuga
With diseases and sicknesses of all sorts flying around, it is time we have a look at how our attitude plays a huge role on our wellbeing.
To make it easy for us to follow, I will be using the word Healthitude, which means ‘health and attitude’.
Giving the excuse that life can be unfair in itself, sometimes, people can be unkind, unloving, and even unfriendly to themselves.
In common parlance, small things like shouting, nose picking, thinking and other domestic attitude or habits that are unpleasant can affect our health.
When this happens, you have a choice: ‘match’ them or ‘match, pace, and lead’ them. This thinking comes from NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP).
NLP is an area of psychology taught to Physical Therapists to help bond with patients who may not be able to receive instructions and improve otherwise.
For example, after a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), patients can have massive mood swings or short attention spans.
By matching ‘how’ they are speaking, gesturing, and posturing, and then slowly but surely changing.
The same thing is true in any life circumstance, although it might be a bit more challenging to use a ‘professional’ level of self-control at home or with friends.
Here’s how NLP works in a relationship with a friend or family member:
- Match— this means if someone is speaking to you in a loud volume, yours will be equally loud. If they are gesturing in a particular way, you will imitate them with a slight delay, in a less than obvious way.
- Pace— once you’ve synchronized your body, language, and volume to the other person, it’s time to start pacing. This means you will attempt some of the very same movements, gestures, postures, and volumes the other person is using, but slightly in front of them. If you notice they begin to imitate you, you are prepared to lead.
- Lead— once you’ve transitioned from matching to pacing, you now have this person’s subconscious attention. Your new goal is to change the tone, mood, or situation, to meet your needs and create a more stable environment. All you have to do is slowly lower your volume, reduce the exaggerated gestures that would appear to show frustration or anger, and then posture in such a way that invites a hug, rather than a fight.
You see, your attitude matters. When you notice an unpleasant situation happening at home, or you can hear the tone of someone’s voice changing, you have a choice. You can feel:
Or, you can feel compassionate and empowered. Think about it… when you feel unhappy or possibly even angry, do you like this state of mind? My guess is as good as yours and it’s a good bet your friend or family member doesn’t like feeling this way either.
So, instead of ‘hearing’ their words and ‘seeing’ their gestures, choose to hear and see something else. Choose to hear their hurt, and see they need your help.
Then, match them, pace them, and lead them out of this funk.
There you have it, instead of being the victim, you’ll be the hero.
I’m so proud of the hero within you.
Join us next time for more ways to improve our wellbeing without needing to break the bank or visit the hospital.